The Magic of Good Energy. Why the Way You Make People Feel Matters.

There’s this Irish pub called Mulleady’s that Matt and I love to frequent on Thursday nights.

If there’s a spot for us, we usually sit on the patio. It’s small and dark; shaded by thick ivy and usually enveloped in cigarette smoke from the other patrons. There’s usually a few dogs laying at their owners’ feet and always sports playing on the four TVs.

The servers pass out paper menus and know many of the customers by name. It’s one of those places that has lots of regulars.

The beer selection isn’t massive, but the beers themselves come out in these massive mugs. The wine is poured generously. And the food. Is freaking delicious. Their Shepard’s Pie is to die for and don’t even get me started on their fish ‘n chips.

Mulleady’s is unassuming. It’s not a place you’d see from the outside and necessarily think it’s going to be awesome. But it is. It’s a place we want to hang out at. And we aren’t the only ones who feel this way because it’s always busy.

Something about Mulleady’s just makes us feel good every time we go there. It’s not like their offering is super unique or their ambiance is top notch, yet we’re drawn to go there, time and time again.

I realized, it’s about how it makes us feel. And at Mulleady’s, we feel at home.

People Pay for the Way Something Makes Them Feel

Cathy Heller, host of the Don’t Keep Your Day Job podcast, often reminds her listeners that when people buy something, they’re buying it because of the way it’s going to make them feel.

Think about it. You want to buy that Marc Jacobs purse because it makes you feel classy and elegant. You buy that turquoise nail polish because it makes you feel creative and funky. You buy the organic vegetables because it makes you feel clean and healthy.

When purchasing something; when choosing to spend our time somewhere or with someone; a lot of that decision has to do with how it’s going to make us feel.

I have Classpass, so I hop around to different yoga studios and try their classes. Some studios, I’ve loved. The instructors are kind, the staff make me feel welcomed; I want to keep coming back.

Other studios? Not so much. I’ve gone to these aesthetically pristine studios run by people who aren’t so friendly. You can burn allll the palo santo you want, but if the vibe is stuffy and snobby, it’s impossible to hide.

I’m reminded time and time again that what makes us resonate with a place is how that place makes us feel.

The Trader Joe’s Effect

Who else is a fan of Trader Joe’s?

I freaking love Trader Joe’s. And I don’t enjoy grocery shopping, but when I’m close to a TJ’s and that’s where I can buy my groceries, I’m actually excited. And it’s still grocery shopping, but to me, it’s a more fun experience.

Why? Because Trader Joe’s knows how to make their customers feel excited and curious and playful. They’ve turned this mundane chore of buying food into a more enjoyable experience.

TJ’s has a personality, you know what I mean? They don’t take themselves too seriously; they’re quirky and whimsical. They release new foods all the time (cashew fiesta cheese dip or cauliflower gnocchi, anyone?!). Plus, they have the friendliest employees. I had a guy bagging my groceries the other day who told me he loves bagging groceries.

“It’s like solving a puzzle!” he said. What an attitude!

More often than not, I leave Trader Joe’s feeling brighter and happier than I came in. And yes, I also typically leave that store with way more than I’d bargained for. But, I’ll vote for TJ’s with my dollars any day because they make that 45 minutes of grocery shopping so much more fun than if I’d gone to Ralph’s (sorry Ralph!).

You know who else has this effect? Target. Freaking Target knows how to get ya.

Be Intentional About How You Want to Make People Feel

Life by Alissa is an inspirational blog. My purpose of blogging is to inspire others to find the beauty in the normal, mundane, everyday moments of life. Because, this is your life happening. Right. Now. It’s happening. And if we wait to be happy only in the big moments, we’re missing out on a huge chunk of our lives.

With my blog, I want to make you feel inspired. I really hope I do!

I want you to feel inspired to look at what’s special in your own life. I want you to feel inspired to get into exercise or meditation or self-help podcasts. I want to inspire you to tap into your creative side because I’m just a girl working a super analytical corporate job who’s re-discovering the joy of pure creativity.

So, the question I’m asking you is this. How do you want to make others feel? What kind of energy does your presence have?

I think knowing and understanding this about yourself, having the self-awareness and intentionality around how you want to make others feel is an invaluable skill. It’s your secret sauce; your unique flavor. It’s what makes you, you. It’s what keeps people coming back to you.

The Negative Friend and the Positive Friend

Think of that friend who’s always in a bad mood. She always has a new problem and something to complain about. Ugh, my husband is so lazy. Ugh, the service here always sucks. Ugh, I’m never going to get a promotion.

Eventually, you quit spending time with this friend. You notice yourself feeling totally drained and gloomy after you see her. Eventually it’s like yuck, sorry, nope I’m busy.

Something I learned recently from Lori Harder is this: take a moment to think about if something (or someone) makes you feel expanded or contracted. Expansion feels like you can breathe easily. It feels like excitement, brightness, energy. Contraction, on the other hand, feels like you want to hunch your shoulders forward. You’ve got a pit in your stomach. You feel tired.

Chances are, Friend #1 makes you feel pretty contracted.

Friend #2, on the other hand, is just real and funny. She doesn’t claim to have it all together; she happily laughs at herself and makes light of life. Her light-hearted presence takes you along for the ride. You find yourself laughing until your stomach hurts and quoting Adam Sandler movies together.

Expanded. Light, free, happy.

Oprah said it best.

Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this space.

Oprah Winfrey

The energy you bring dictates the quality of your life. Seriously.

We want to be around people who are infectiously positive and make us feel good/excited/expansive/lit up. And these people naturally attract great things into their lives. They attract exciting opportunities, abundance, crazy synchronicities. They’re like magnets for the good stuff.

Think about it. Bosses want to promote employees who they feel like care; who are enthusiastic, supportive, invested. People want to date someone who makes them feel loved and special.

What’s unique about you? What’s your secret sauce? Are you good at getting people excited? Making them feel important? Are you good at making people feel supported and heard?

Consciously think about how you want to make people feel and you’ll see the world before you shift for the better.

When It’s Good, You Feel It

We’ve been going to Mulleady’s for over a year now but a few months ago, we learned that during a fire in the canyon a few years ago, Mulleady’s was a safe place for all canyon residents to go to.

I don’t know the details. I’m not sure if they served free food or let people stay all night, or what. I just know that when it was brought up in a community meeting, everyone talked about how grateful they were to Mulleady’s during that period of time. How much they helped out.

When the energy is good, you can just feel it. Matt and I didn’t know Mulleady’s had done that! We just knew we liked how that place made us feel. Now, we really understood. Our instincts were right. These are good folks.

You can say all the right things. You can dress a certain way. You can buy the best things. None of it matters if your actions and energy are off. People are smart. We can sniff out the fakeness a mile away.

Your unique energy is your greatest asset. Learn it, hone it, utilize it.

Stayin’ positive,

Alissa