Overwhelmed? Same. Here’s What I’m Learning to Do When I’m “Too Busy”

I have this bad habit of being “too busy”. Typically running around a little frazzled. Often eating at my desk because I have “too much to do.”

I overload myself with plans, projects, and appointments to the point where if someone simply asks me to have lunch with them that week, it overwhelms me. I don’t ever have any free time, ever! I just want to relax!

 Anyone else do this?

If you’ve been following along with my blog, you know I’m quite sensitive and have to be diligent in protecting my mental and physical health.  If I start feeling totally bogged down, my stomach starts acting up and I’ll get these itchy breakouts on my arms. When my body sends me these signals, I need to listen before it manifests into a bigger issue.

And here’s something I’ve realized. I do a lot of it to myself. I honestly think part of me must enjoy overloading myself and being a person who’s always busy. I’m sure there’s some deep seated reason as to why I do it. Maybe it makes me feel important to always be busy. Or if I’m not busy, then I’m not being productive and am missing out on something I should be doing.

Life can quickly become a tangled web of commitments. When I get overloaded, I start to resent even the things I happily chose to commit to.

• Matt and I host an invitational every year in Palm Springs where we book a block of rooms and have a weekend of golf, massages, pool time, and tennis with our friends. That means a lot of planning on our end to make this weekend amazing for everyone.

• I have a full time job. Why not start a blog, too? And I won’t just post once a week; I’m going to post twice a week. And maintain a Facebook and Instagram page for it, too.

• Many of my friends and family live far from me. That means there are weekend trips to visit one another; weddings to be in; family reunions to fly home for. Making this happen requires time, money, and a good deal of concentrated effort.

You get where I’m going with this? All of these extras I have in life that start to “weigh me down” really are positive and wonderful things! Yet, I’m letting myself get overwhelmed by being “too busy”, when I’ve invited a lot of this into my life.

It helps to shift my mindset and remember these are the things that make life meaningful and memorable.

Stop talking about how busy you are. Focus on what you enjoy about what you do and the spaces in between the doing instead of feeling weighed down by it all. Decide that you live an awesome, relaxed life full of interesting projects that you love doing and communicate that to the world and yourself. And then go out and merrily do it.

Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass

So, what’s a busy girl with lots of interesting projects to do?

Prioritize and Set Boundaries

The best place to start is to understand what your priorities are. I want to do the fun extracurriculars (blogging, trips, friend events) because they align with my values of nurturing relationships and expressing myself creatively.

But even when you’re clear on priorities; sticking to them requires setting boundaries because it’s easy to get pulled in other directions. As a recovering people pleaser, the lines of my boundaries are often blurred. Historically, I’ve had a hard time saying no. But if I say yes to everything, it’s kindddd of my own fault if I start feeling overwhelmed.

So, the questions I need to ask myself are: What’s important to me? What do I truly value?

Here are some of my answers:

• Keeping my body healthy. Exercising 3-4x per week. That means I’ll turn down a Thursday night happy hour with friends if I haven’t gotten a work out in that week. I need to take care of my body in order to be a happy, whole me. Otherwise, my mental health suffers and affects the rest of my life.
• Spending quality time with Matt. We need to have our time to talk, connect, and enjoy each other’s company. If I find we haven’t gotten a chance to connect one-on-one, I’ll rearrange my schedule. I’ll leave work earlier; my phone will be out of my hands once I’m home; I’ll save the cleaning for another day.
• Time for reflection and creativity. I cherish my time in solitude, so I’m up by 5:30am at the latest. My daily meditation is a non-negotiable. I write every morning for my blog. Because I’m always up early, that means I prioritize sleep. In bed by 10pm at the latest is always my goal.
• Staying connected with friends and family. That means sending messages; making time to meet up with friends who live close and planning trips to see friends who live far away. Within this, there must be boundaries and it’s different for each person in our life. Staying in touch with the people we love should be enjoyable – if you find yourself feeling stressed about how often someone requires communication, have a conversation about it. Set boundaries around your precious time. They’re not the only person in your life!

Getting clear on priorities makes it easier to identify what to focus on and what to cut out. As Rachel Hollis says, “When everything’s important, nothing’s important.”

And of course, some weeks I simply can’t do everything that’s important to me. Not even close. That’s life! When that happens and time is limited, I pick one thing I need the most. I listen to my gut. If I’m feeling disconnected, maybe I need time with Matt. If I’m feeling tense, maybe yoga is what my body is asking for.

Plan it Out

I also just started using a planner. I repeat. I JUST started using a planner. It’s 2019, planners are everywhere, I’m chronically overwhelmed– this should’ve been a no brainer! I’d been complaining to my friend about how stressed I was and she’s like, “Why don’t you use a planner? I have an extra one you can have.”

Duh! So simple yet so effective.

I’m starting to get a handle on which nights I’m going to do my laundry; which nights are for exercise; when I’m going to take an hour to write for my blog. It’s like I’ve organized the clutter living in my brain.

I realize I’m preaching to the choir because I’m the one who’s late to the game here, but I never thought I’d get such satisfaction from scheduling my days.

Doing All of This and STILL Freaking Out?

Some days, you do all the planning and prioritizing. Some days are just a lot. When we were in the midst of buying our house, I felt like I was drowning. When it gets really hectic, here’s what I’m learning to do:

• Take something off your list. Seriously, can one thing wait until tomorrow? Sometimes when I’m crazy busy, it’s partially because I think I need to have my laundry folded, bathroom cleaned, and all the dishes washed when I’m already swamped. If it’s not a priority for that day, give it the axe. It can get done later.
• Allow yourself to sit down and breathe. Running around frantically makes things feel crazier. Stop, sit down, take 10 minutes to breathe. My favorite quick relaxation exercise lately is box breathing. It can be done anywhere, any time.
• Delegate. Are you overwhelmed because you’re taking on too much yourself? Can someone else help you? Ask for help where you can. You don’t need to save the world and do it all. You’re one person.

Seth Godin sent an email the other day that really nailed it. He called all of us out on the “I’m too busy” shtick.

There’s a common safe place: Being busy. We’re supposed to give you a pass because you were full on, all day. Frantically moving from one thing to the other, never pausing to catch your breath, and now you’re exhausted. No points for busy. Points for successful prioritization. Points for efficiency and productivity. Points for doing work that matters. No points for busy.

Seth Godin

AMEN.

Always being flustered and “too busy” is a choice. Yes, we may have a lot of commitments but we can choose how we view them. We can prioritize what’s important. We can set boundaries and say “no” more often. Lori Harder says one of her mantras is something like, “Life is fun and easy when I let it be.” I repeat that in my head any time I feel the overwhelm creep in.

How do you handle your busiest times?

With love,

Alissa