How to Free Yourself from Life’s Pressures

We put so much pressure on ev-er-y-thing.

On ourselves, on others, on these expectations we’ve set.

Where does this pressure even come from? Why do we care so much? Why do we grip so tightly to outdated expectations? Who are we trying to impress?

For me, I often feel pressure for things to be a certain way; to match a vision I’ve created in my head. That pressure feels like tightness in my chest. It feels like white knuckling this idea I’ve gotten stuck on. It consumes me.

I drive myself crazy because it’s all I can think about. I drive the people in my life crazy because it’s all I can talk about. And for me, it feels like I have to talk about it because it’s taking up space in my head. Help me out here. Ease my mind.

I get so caught up thinking about all these things I can’t control. Let’s talk about it for the 94th time, maybe that’ll help.

Eventually, all this pressure comes to a head. It always does. The constant thinking, stressing, talking, desiring for things to be a certain way becomes too much. It builds, builds, builds until, eventually, it causes an explosion. It becomes a fight, an outburst, an anxiety attack.

Succumbing to the Pressure

This all may sound abstract so let me explain how pressure is showing up in my life.

Two words. Wedding. Planning. This time, the explosion was about planning our wedding.

It’s been consuming me. Fully. Aside from this past week while I was on a retreat for work; wedding planning has been nearly all I can think about. Therefore, it’s been one of my main topics of conversation. I couldn’t stop stressing about it to others and to Matt, especially. It started eating me alive.

I imagined family members and friends judging me for not having our wedding a certain way; for not getting things done along an expected timeline. The keyword here is imagined because I’m pretty sure they aren’t judging me. My friends and family have been nothing but supportive. I’ve been putting pressure on myself.

I’ve played the same phrases on repeat in my head. Phrases I’ve absorbed over the years from other people’s experiences.

“It’s stressful to plan a wedding.”

“It’s expensive to plan a wedding. You need a good photographer, videographer, decor, food, venue… Good luck!”

“Better secure your venue soon or it’ll be hard to get a wedding date that you want.”

I begun feeling the pressure of how expensive everything seems to be. I started learning the industry standards for weddings, the timelines, the way things “should” be done.

I felt like I was going to fall short. I felt like I had no time to breathe. I felt like I was already behind.

Take a Step Back

Instead of listening to my heart. Instead of taking a breath and thinking about what’s best for us; I’ve let myself go off on a whirlwind of box checking and following what everyone else does when they get married.

Better fall in line, this is the way weddings are done.

And usually, I like to do things a little differently. My own way. Except I quit listening to myself. As soon as that ring was on my finger, I quickly became a stressed out, only-talks-about-her-wedding, engaged woman. Basically, the last thing I ever wanted to become.

Some women are born for this. They’ve been excited to plan their wedding for years, they’re good at it, they know what they want. Me on the other hand? Well, I’ve been driving myself crazy. Enough is enough.

So, the pressure of wedding planning came to a head the other day. It figuratively slapped me in the face. Since when do I need to do things the expected, traditional way? Since when has it worked for me to ignore my gut?

For years, I’ve actively tried to trust myself and the Universe. For the past month, I’ve had glimpses of trusting myself and going with the flow, only to quickly lose sight of it again. I feel calm, happy, in charge, and then bam!

Who are we inviting? Wait, it’s HOW much a head?

Is this the right location? What if somewhere else is cheaper? Who has time for so many wedding tours?

What time of year do we get married? Is anything going to be available?

Instead of basking in the excitement of getting to marry someone I love; I’ve been caught up in the logistics. The how. The stress. The anxiety.

The pressure to perform, to be the best, to make everyone happy; it takes over. It makes it easy to lose sight of how we really feel and who we really are.

Get Back to What Really Matters To You

So, as I mentioned, I reached a point where the pressure was just too much for me. It wasn’t making me happy. I wasn’t feeling good. It taught me a valuable lesson. It was a reminder to take a step back; take a breath; take a break.

You know you’re doing something just because you feel pressured when it doesn’t feel good or natural. It feels forced, heavy, rigid. And often times, we don’t realize it until we’re in too deep and need someone to pull us back out. Bring us back to reality.

No matter the way you experience it, the pressure is real. It’s heavy. Maybe you’re actually being pressured by the people in your life. Maybe you’re just putting pressure on yourself. Maybe you’re imagining everyone is putting pressure on you, when in reality, no one actually is.

Despite what it feels like sometimes, there is no rule book to life. You don’t have to do things a certain way on a certain timeline just because other people are doing it that way.

You might be feeling pressured to settle down because everyone around you is 26 and married with babies.

You might be feeling pressured to “find your purpose” because everyone else seems to have these cool jobs and you still aren’t sure what you want to do with your life.

You might be feeling pressured to travel more because everyone else is taking these exotic trips but you have the responsibility of children at home.

Do you actually want that? Or do you just think you do because you see it around you? There is no right or wrong. Your story is your own.

We so often put this unnecessary pressure on ourselves. We allow people to force their beliefs on us. We compare our journey to others’. At the end of the day, you’re the one taking care of yourself. You and only you, are waking up in your body each morning and experiencing your own unique life.

When you notice yourself feeling heavy, pressured, stressed out… ask yourself: For what? Why? Where is this pressure coming from?

Take a step back, breathe, take a break, and reconnect to what’s important to you.

With love,

Alissa